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We are promised victory through God. That’s what the bible says, right? In 1 John 5:4. So why is it that we lose so many blasted battles? If Christ has overcome the world, why does it seem like the world overcomes us?

Maybe I am the only believer on the face of the earth who experiences this problem. I try to do well, read my Bible, keep my faith in God, walk in His love, blah, blah, blah. In return, aren’t I promised some victory? So where is it?

Often is seems like every time I do something good, I am battered by the bad. Every time I overcome a challenge, I am beat to a pulp by the next. Every time I climb higher, I fall harder.

You see, I may never have battled drugs, or gangs, or alcohol…I can’t tell you about all that. But my testimony is quite fat with other stuff. I can talk to you about any type of harrassment. I know all about watching everything I own go up in flames. Abusive relationships? Been there. Done that. Watching loved ones struggle to survive? Yup. Got more bills than money? That’s easy compared to the rest. Addictions so strong it took years to gain victory over? Yeah. Self-hatred so deep it resulted in self-abuse? Oh, yup. Pain so overwhelming I attempted suicide? Phew…that one’s a lonnngggg testimony. Suicidal by the age of ten…oh yeah. Homeless? Several times. Moving way, WAY more than is healthy? Yes. Yes. And yes. Disease and sickness? Blah. Definitely got that covered. All this in 22 years of life.

Yeah, I think that’s about the bare essentials.

So in all that and WAY more (let me tell you), don’t you think I know what it means to have lost some battles? Too be in way over my head? To despair and feel like God has abandoned me? Yes. I’ve had experiences that I wouldn’t wish on Satan himself.

I. Do. Not. Exaggerate.

I have lost more battles than I would like to admit. I have received pain and given pain that I wish never occurred. I have watched loved ones detioriate before my very eyes. And I learned far too early how to be an adult.

But you know what? I know what it means to lose. But I know even more what it means to win. I understand the concept of victory. I’ve experienced it all my life. Just like I have experienced loss all of my life. For if you do not suffer, how can you know what it means to rejoice? If you don’t know pain, how can you offer empathy to another? I know what’s it’s like to feel forsaken, but never BE forsaken.

You see, the bible doesn’t promise us victory over every battle. Because that would be an empty promise. It simply does not happen. Not for us. But it does promise us victory over the ultamite war. For right now, we may shake our fists at Satan and scream, kick, and cry out; “You, you, JERK!”

But in the end, we shall reign with Christ and Satan shall feel the eternal lick of hell’s fire.

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Two Sundays ago was Easter Sunday. And when I went to church, I expected a lesson on ressurection, love, obedience, etc. I did not expect a deliverance from unforgiveness. But God never did seem to comply with what I expected from His sermons, so why should He start now?

You see, I have battled long and hard with forgiving some incidences that happened about a year ago. And it’s not that I was being rebellious against the commandments of God. I pleaded with Him often to help me forgive. I wanted to forgive. But I was just so hurt, and so angry, that no matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t genuinly manage it.

A year ago my mind was attacked, my heart bullied, my reputation torn to shreds, my integrity placed on the line, and life became so overwhelming I almost surrendered my life. It was a time of pain I wouldn’t wish on any man. It was a time of such hopelessness and despair I almost gave up on God’s delivering power. And it took me a year and much prayer and many divine touches before I could even consider myself back on the path of true stability.

And because of all of this, I grew angry and bitter. I didn’t want to be, but when pain festers too long, bitterness is the fruit it bears. So when I asked God, why could I not forgive? He told me, Daughter, you are simply in too much pain.

So throughout this past year, God kept me on a path toward healing. He was my Docter, giving me continual doses of peace and joy, over and over, lifting me up every time I fell down. Then, gradually, my pain lessened though it did not fully heal. In time my anger diminished, though it did not fully fade. And I stayed at my Master’s feet and held on to the hem of His garmet.

And then, finally, Easter Sunday I was given the revelation I needed. Apostle Jones was preaching and He spoke about how Jesus carried not only our iniquities, but also our pain. All the hurts and sorrows that we have experienced, do experience, and will experience, He endured on the cross.

It hit my like a bag of bricks. If I am one with Christ Jesus, if my life is hidden in His, then when they hurt me a year ago, they also hurt Him. And when I was in such psychological agony that I desired death over the pain, He was there with me, bearing the sorrow at my side, as one with my spirit. My pain was His pain.

And I realized, if Christ could endure all that pain, and not only mine but many others as well, on that cross, and still cry out that man be forgiven, then I could forgive as well. And as easilly as switching on a light, I did. And as I did, I was able to release all the anger that remained inside my heart. Do I still have a bit of healing left? Yes. Some of the pain is still there. But it diminishes more and more with every passing day. It’s progress was quickened by my breakthrough on Easter Sunday and boosted by continual touches of divine healing ever since.

This is a process. And it is long. But it is also a part of a testimony. And one day soon, this testimony will be complete.

Thus says the Lord,

“Take heart, little children, for I have overcome the world. I know of your suffering and your pain. I hear the voice of your prayers. Take heart, little children, for I have overcome the world.

“Many think that I am cold-hearted in my dealings with man, that I turn my face from their gravest of needs. But it is not so. I am compassionate and caring. I hold my people in the palm of my hand.

“Think you that I would forsake the very ones for whom I died? For whom I bore the lashes, the thorns, the nails? For whom I was raised and crucified?

“Yes, I see the suffering and the agony. I see the violence and the pain. I know of the hunger and sickness, disease and disaster. I know of these things. They are forever before my eyes. And my heart breaks with your suffering, with your pain. I have not turned blind eye. I see and I love. I weep as my children cry.

“Know you not that my love is greater than yours? So if you, loving within the limitations that you do love, know how to have compassion upon the needs of this world, don’t you think that I know even more? Don’t you think that I help even more? Don’t you think that I intercede even more?

“Tell me, imperfect ones, why do you judge perfection? For do I know best? Or do you?

“Therefore trust me, my children, and know that I do care. I do have a plan. I do see your troubles. And I have not forsaken you.”

Silence, oh God, the whispers in my head. The voices that shame me, beat me, break me. Tear down, oh God, the stronghold of Satan; the bindings that keep me; the chains that restrain me. You say greater is he who is in me than he who is in the world. Oh blessed Lord, my mighty God, my strong tower, and valiant shield, why are these just words to me now? Greater is he. Greater is he. Greater is he. The great darkness overwhelms, majestic Father. The pain drowns me in a sea of torment – an ocean of agony.

Blessed Savior. Blessed Savior! Where are you when I need you? Hear my cry, hear my weeping. Why the silence? Why the never-ending stillness? Where is my breakthrough? Where is my relief? Where is the peace meant to sustain me? Oh God, oh God, where are the Words that break the bindings of the enemy? I am here. I am alone. Mighty Father, I am afraid.

Sweet child, sweet beloved. Where is your faith? I am here. I am with you. I am still the hope that sustains you. Am I a man that I should change? Am I a sinner that I should despise you? Am I limited that I cannot reach you? Am I powerless that I cannot deliver you? You turn this way, you turn that, you search but you cannot find. Foolish child. Deceived beloved. I am not a man that you should see me through the eyes of mankind. Close your eyes and open your spirit.

Though the wind tosses this way and that, I am the hands that help you withstand. And while the sea is turbulent and raging, I am the boat that keeps you from sinking. Dearest little one, love of my heart, while the lightning strikes the ground and illuminates the darkness, while the thunder strikes and trembles the very heavens, while the earth shakes and the ground is cracking, while the clouds spill torrents of rain and sheets of hail, I am the rock that keeps you from falling – falling into the abyss of darkness

Yes, there will be storms that threaten the foundation of your world, but I am the wings that carry you. I am the light that guides you. I am the power that delivers you, restores you, heals you and redeems you, when life has beaten you down. Rest in me, my child, and I will bring you through the storm.

When will this earth learn to heal?
When will the crying and anger,
Accept healing and soothing?
When will the darkness give way to the light?

We look around and see pain.
We look around and see anger.
We look around and see fighting.
We look around and see destruction.

We miss the sunlight,
Dancing off the golden rays,
Come to fight the shadows,
Of this life.

We miss the peace,
Knocking at the door,
Telling us, baby,
It’s going to be alright.

We miss the flowers,
Churning, growing, sprouting,
Bringing color after a rainy day,
Bringing life to an empty soul.

We miss the love,
A gentle breeze,
Blowing through our lives,
Touching and healing our needs.

Come on, my brothers and sisters!

Come on, and choose the sunlight,
Come on, and feel the peace,
Come on, and touch the flowers,
Come on, and bathe in true love.

God is reaching and calling,
He is yearning to relieve,
This weighing on our hearts,
This burning fire consuming our souls.

This pain is blinding,
These burdens are heavy,
This sorrow everlasting,
This toil unchanging.

God has strength for our burdens.
God has the salve for our pain.
God has the peace for our sorrow.
God has the love to cover everything.

If we can look beyond our trials and sorrow,
If we can look beyond the torment of our past,
If we can look beyond the darkness of this world,
We will find peace, love and joy in God’s hands.